LONDON — In a first-of-it's-kind interview, a strip of double-sided fashion tape confirmed Wednesday that it is the only thing holding the entire Oscars ceremony together.
Bracing against the plunging neckline of a custom couture gown just hours before the Academy Awards, the tape had this to say:
“Without us bridging the gap between fabric and flesh,” said the adhesive, currently bearing forty pounds of structural tension against a Best Actress nominee, “this global broadcast would instantly devolve into an FCC-violating nightmare.”
The tape noted it has spent the last three hours on the red carpet fighting a desperate battle against sweat, straining to ensure a billion-dollar industry retains its fragile illusion of effortless elegance.
If even a single corner gives out during the presentation, the resulting exposure will permanently end a stylist’s career and get the entire broadcast yanked from television forever. "It's a lot of tension to hold," says the tape. Adding "Luckily, I'm good at that."
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