Demon Finds Method Actor "Already Occupied"

ATLANTA — A minor demon was disappointed to discover Monday that a local method actor’s mind was completely unavailable for possession due to already being at maximum capacity with intrusive thoughts.

“I materialized inside his consciousness to extinguish his soul, but there was absolutely no room left,” said the ancient entity. “It was just a wall-to-wall labyrinth of manufactured childhood trauma, intentional sleep deprivation, and an unyielding insistence on being called ‘Detective’ at the snack table.”

According to reports, actor Vic Pellegrino had adopted so much psychological baggage for his role that traditional spiritual takeover proved ineffective.

“I tried whispering unspeakable horrors to corrupt his mind, but he just incorporated my dark temptations into an improvised monologue about his messy divorce,” the shaken demon added. “Honestly, it traumatized me.”

At press time, the demon was receiving therapy and attempting to heal emotionally from the incident.